~half~

toothfiction

2007-03-14T03:43:00.001-07:00

and so it is, just like you said it would be
life goes easy on me all of the time,
can't take my eyes off you, i cant take my eyes of you.

HMMM, i cant talk so i shall write. Why i can't talk is a 235276million dollor question!!!
marium had a tooth transplant surgery done yesterday. Ideally it should have done as this major beautification deed to make the smile loook like another million dollor element.The story is a little contradictory, a million dollors were spent doing this so marium does not loose the rest of the killer smile which is left.
after 6 years of not bothering she finally gave in and went to the holy place called a dental clinic, surgery was schedualed and as fadii and many other people had told her, she wopuld be sedated and wouldnt know a thing. MArium would simply wake up to a ll work done zone, hai, Dr kshif told her the exact opposite, "Sweetheart",he said. you will be alive through this you wont feel a thing but you will know it all. That was all marium needed to know in order to have her nerves and arteries collapse right there, which eventually resulted in a canula being poked 4 times in her till they found a vein that was able to hold the goddamn piece of plastic in her left hand. Groggy, she lay down and two people in crumpled fresh scrubs took a go at her mouth, 4 needles poked here and there in the gum to numb it..ouchhhh!!!"sweety you are the best ,, so calm, keep it up we just took it out. i am putting a screw in blah blah" Dr kshif kept on ressuring her. She was nervous oh yes, but kept on mentally doinmg whoooooooooosaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh fame of bad boys 2!!
there was a little thing attached to my right hand forefinger to chk heart rate,doc knew everytime i stopped breatheing or became scared.
Initially when i was being drugged doc aasked how much i drank(not water) in aday so he could drug me accordingly. i felt all that was going on, the drilling the carving the pressure and i just thought..shit what if there was n numbness i would have died right here. hahahhaha world peace would have been confirmed then!!!;)
it got over with a couple of lectures from doc kashif. I came out slightly swaying..not from falling in love but from being a druggoholic. Fadii ma man came to pick me and got another million instructions from doc, he smiled and heard em all. NOW HE HAD AN EDGE OVER ME, it was time for "come back" time. For the first time i was quiet with him, just nodding smiling and sleeping. We got medicines and headed to kats house. Today was not exactly the day when i should ahve landed on kats head... her attention and focus was on more lifetime things then world peace thanks to me..hehehehhehe.. deatils i cant give:)
With a loopsided smile i practised "boltay hath" and became a pro. I never imagined i could remain chup for so long, the only thing i was dreading and still am is not being able to eat..only liquids. i ahd some very caring people msgng and acquiring in their own funny ways as to how i was doing. Amma and abba picked me up around 10 and i wentr back home...been communicating through writing and flowery notepad. Its fun, i am enjoying the no talking part without having to explain it. Just watched In Pursuit of happyness, Will smith was great. It was a nice movie..makes you think.
and now i am groggy again and writing, BUT also bored and alone, i wish both my siblings were around, and i wish i didnt live so far that noone could drop by..hahah i am whining
ok time to post this...
"i hope for world peace, but can the world please do that with me talking as oppsoed to not:)"

wait...wednesday wanderings

2007-02-28T22:38:00.000-08:00

life lately is crazy, hectic, fun and madness magnified. Sans Indus, the safety it provided and the comfort of being in a space that is very known to me is gone. Earlier into this year, it was just anticipations. Going here and there, figuring out what to do, suddenly feeling alone dejected and very very upset. How will i do this?i shouldnt have quit school, is doing an exhibition even worth considering?the wait of not knowing and finding a place to be was drawing me into a strange place.
random thought,"i just want you to know who i am".
Cut to feb, i got a job!!!!i am now officially an art teacher to 20 some kids at Ilmesters Academy. Calling them kids is infact an understatement, they are tiny...youngest being 4 and max 8. I am "aunty marium" to most and "teacher" to some. it's perfect!!mashallah..this one wait is over. I teach them art, get them to design things. These kids are very creative, not very aware but superbly fun and would try anything,"where i need to hold them a little bit, know what i mean":).
Tomorrow is the first parent teacher meeting, the first in my life atleast. Today as all teachers got together to get a breifing for this meeting, i sat around listeing, nodding, giving two bits and doodling...yes i had a pink and orange pen on me;)
I have gotten the art studio(previously called art room" painted. Got the kids to make aluminum foil planets and they are hanging from the ceiling. It looks beautiful, suddenly there are 6 more soft borads all around school that i am expoected to fill up with work...hmmm.. and the work has to go back to kids home as well and fill up the class...hmmmm...
yes!!for a second i was harrasses..how the hell will i do all this?get room painted, put up work, make sure the kids do something new everyday..hmmmmwow!!
tough but very doable:)
yesterday i was looking at a freinds portfolio and there was tremendous amount of work she has done ever since we graduated. I realised that i hardly have anything, mostly it's been teaching for the past 4 years and the odd time i did get i designed clothes.
SOOOOOOO that is going to be my portfolio, i will feel proud because i have taught some amazing oldies and now kiddos and to top it all i get to make clothes for people i love!!!
well that lobve shall be shared now since along with working i am putting an exhibit up first week of May inshallah.
in the midst of all this, i started working as an art director..ummm hmmmmmmm..yes never thought i could do that!!it was total accident. Umar Anwar aka very good friend ,amazing director (claim to fame: strings mera bichra yar) and now boss:) i somehow landed there and just recent;y did the first project which was an ad for samsung...very scray experinece i must say and the only thing that kept me going was the fact that i know Umar and was comfortable with him. This was total first time for me, and i had umar showing me the ropes the whole while. Learnt a lot!!!
welll this is how crazy things ahve been, i just hope and pray that the wait has been worth it and it will be worth it for everything i have waited for:)
p.s update:fadi has a new job waiting for better, kat is going crazy with work waiting for swimming, jam will have baby jam...waiting cutely

The Faith

2007-01-10T08:43:00.000-08:00

stuck in a rut?

2007-01-07T19:34:00.000-08:00

As a human race, we are always in that phase where past grievances and grudges hold us down. Things and relationships that are important, fly away, wither and die because sometimes our ego and sometimes our relationships with our loved ones come in the way. I keep thinking that my parents are stuck in that old rut where, the human relationship cycle keeps repeating itself. They too at one point were thinking the same thing. I don’t want to be in that situation with myself and with my kids, nor do I want to instill this school of thought in them. Can I help it though? Lots of things occur in our lives where we think that the worse has happened to us and someone has hurt us so so bad. The last thing we want is our best friends, siblings family anyone to have any association with them. It is happening in my family and it almost like a recap of things with the previous generation. Things are just going on and on.but heck, there is no perfect world where everything is smooooooth. The feeling of being torn, the extremities we set in our lives. Is this a result of having too many expectations? Is it an insecure domination? Are we just scared?or is this just my Libran nature speaking out loud?

it takes time...blogthought of the day

2007-01-04T15:11:00.000-08:00

i have prolly been most out of it where blogging is concerned..just not able to put down a million and one things bouncing in my head..
i wanted to write a long post when my neice was born last month..just ended up putting alvias picture up. Another post related to the shadi delima/galore happening in family was much needed but it didnt materialise.I am not a resolution person but new years had me thinking of yet another year passing(amazing and horrible at the same time)and ofcourse a post was due.Majorchange came through with deciding to leave school and take time off..the uncertanity of future with no job and nothing concrete.
All this has led me into a major thinking mode..infact the entire last year for me has been a thinking sorting mode..not saying much,major relationship changes etc etc.
it takes time..is just about the perfect thing that i could say right now..infact i wrote it to a friend last night who i have not been in touch with a lot has come between us in the past year..i love her and i miss her, but it's just not possible to get back into things right away and even though we both have hurt each other it can't be fixed just like that...
i am trying to be patient, yet not letting anyone mess with me now, putting my foot down where i have to..
i am waiting,and now i will not compromise...even if it takes time

omkara at kara!

2006-12-21T10:16:00.000-08:00

itni sardi hai kisi ka lihaaf lai layy!!wah!
Kara showcased Omkara on 16th and 17th Dec, Ajay Devagan(hotie and a half) graced the occasion. I saw the movie on 17th afternoon with a couple of crazy friends, and like a mega cheapantonic person i took my latest indulgance(digicam) out and took pictures of Mr. Devgan.Personal fav is the shadow one of Ajay and Hassan Zaidi.
It's an amazing movie, must watch,yes it's a adaptation of Othelo and i don't know if justice has been done but it's amazing nonetheless. Ajay devgan as Omkara(transforme actor), Saif as langra(wow acting) and Vivek as kesu.

meyum again..alvia born on 15thDec06(NYwild child)

2006-12-19T09:42:00.000-08:00

on 15th Dec06, alviaa ali rizvi was born..another baby girl
to call me meyum (new terminology for khaala)nashia my sister
is not here..delivered the baby all the way in la la land
and i wont see her till a month later:(

karachi???

2006-12-06T21:14:00.000-08:00

mehboob!
yeh!!!thats it...karachi is a mehboob
p.s:pardon the cheapness

secrets

2006-11-24T20:00:00.000-08:00

it's inside me
like a beautiful song on repeat,
i am not going on part from it...
it makes me who i am...knowing it
there are many versions of this...
someone else sings it everytime inside me..
but its the same song

sorry

2006-11-11T08:32:00.000-08:00

it was meant to be said,
but why was there a need...the mistake had been made
there is no Ctrl Z to undo it
i know you feel bad about it
you keep saying it, but t's not changing anything.
im beginning to be ok about it..so stop saying
sorry

2006-10-28T08:13:00.000-07:00

i am listening and reading more into things these days.i remain quiet not because i have nothing to say but mostly because i want to absorb and make connections.

miracle

2006-10-26T00:18:00.000-07:00

the unsaid unforseen happiness
the new attachment,
taking you off to newer heights
another one in the making,today
but you never anticipate it,
it just happens

dedicated to 26/26 maria

blog of answers?

2006-10-09T21:07:00.000-07:00

The last couple of weeks have been a major change for me. My birthday passed by in total brilliance, visit from fadii kat jam and k and then dinner at nandos later. It’s all been there. My so called 28 gifts from fadii were a classic. That crazy day in electronics market, buying idiotic phones and then going and selling them back the same day because they sucked. Best friend’s dinner at Ban Thai was the perfect ending to a perfect post birthday day :). Asad left the same day and Nash has also gone to New York (haiiii!!The one place I so badly want to go to).

I have made a major decision for myself and it’s something which is long-term, I pray for it everyday and I hope that somewhere something will click. The situation I am faced with is totally otherwise and contradicts all my thoughts but there is something which is keeping me content in my decision. I have lost some friends, who were very important for me; it’s been for some random odd reason and my world shrinks even more! More then I could ever imagine. That’s the reality of life so far, my horoscope for today was the funniest “you have learned that being depressed about the past only delays your progress” very apt in my case, I just need to take it all in the stride.

There are prospects for a lot of things, I am quitting something that I have been doing for the past four years, it’s a big change and I am possibly not ready for it. I have to do this, at 28 when you are still not taken seriously you have got to put your foot down and make things happen for yourself. This brings me to another point, why is it that we acknowledge all of this yet when it comes to taking a decision for ourselves we start blaming the parents. Where there is a will, there is always a way, you want something bad enough you go for it. Stop making excuses for things, this is important. You can’t on one hand say that it’s very important and then refuse to take ownership for relationships. All relationships regardless of the fact that they are marriage or not, they are just as important. You give a lot in each and every minute that goes into a relationship and it deserves to be taken seriously from everyone who has anything to do with it.

The question remains, do you want something bad enough or not?? If you do then don’t make excuses for not doing anything about it. GO FOR IT!!!!! It’s all worth it.

this wednesday!!!

2006-10-05T07:46:00.000-07:00

if i could, i would...

2006-09-29T02:15:00.000-07:00

if i could, i would

2006-09-27T23:21:00.000-07:00

recover promptly-Blog every wednesday promptly

have a kickass comeback for every wisecrack thrown my way-materialise*i fish you*-

write more often-go to NewYork[hmm i can do that but well right now i can't]

celebrate my birthday with everyone i have ever known in my life

2 seconds of fame under another name!

2006-09-26T09:10:00.000-07:00

main nahi maanti (inspired by zain abbas a student)

2006-09-25T23:06:00.000-07:00

Saturday:

sports day with foundies was unimaginable but most wonderful..atleast i know this is one thing i will not let go of even when i leave college.
random day with kat (ditcher from the class) leading to soup and peri bites at Nandos..eternal bliss!!!!
i got the thing to sit on me lap...no cat..[there was one and there will always be that only one-ode to my cat mani]..no this cute little thing is my very very new laptop!!!!wooohoooooooooo!(p.s:ignore the sounding like 4 element)

Sunday:

made it to front page DAWN!!!!!!!!yesboss dhl ad. [thanks post 2 am] heard the randomest of comments from everyone about it..hahha too funny..[one student: you know what marium, yesterday DAWN had a picture of this girl who looked exactly like you, i quickly took the paper from my abba and said abba this girl looks exactly lke my teacher but her name is not samina]

...and turning 28 on 28!!!!extra eeessspeshulll!

...and the tagging resumes with newness..

2006-09-10T11:32:00.000-07:00

Jammie
tagged me
I am thinking: about going to NEWYORK , studying roaming, exploring
I said: this a couple of months back about something else, but this time i am serious!
I want: to get serious about my design business and stop accommodating the bullshit in my head and BECOME FAMOUS!!!!
I wish: all that I just said would magically happen:)
I miss: Teaching [Future tense]
I hear: a lot these days since I am myself on a more mute mode [at bloggers breakfast funny phrases done by jammie had me as mute]
I wonder: why it can’t rain everyday and Karachi is super clean
I regret: some actions and words of mine…
I am: an OBSERVER these days
I dance : pretending I am in all my absolute favourite dance movies such as honey Havana nights, brown sugar, take the lead, save the last dance…toomany
I sing: A LOT!!!!after and before everything
I am not: about to let go!!!
I write: mostly. And not just on note books…tissue paper is my favourite medium to write on
I confuse: fakeness with reality at times…my bad!
I need: chai
I should try: to reason before reacting in my head…
I finish: this tagging satisfied and happy:)
and tagging

kat

kay

treeelf

[ do it for the heck of it elf:)],

Machus

insiya

happy birthday fadii

2006-09-01T02:39:00.000-07:00

here is to 2 years of madness and the never endingness of it....have a blast today and everyday,fame money and all the otherthings shall follow;). love you!

long awaited blog

2006-08-30T19:31:00.000-07:00

end!
has it come yet?i was meaning to push it away
but it did come...the footsteps could be heard from miles away
it's either an end of a phase or an end altogether...nonetheless the void is funny
it's the kind of void where
your heart clenches but you go on
you cry often but you go on
you do things around and you go on
you get inspired and move on...
some days are accepting of the end and some arent.
does every end start something new?

wednesday blogword taking over my world

2006-08-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

at 2:30 am tuesday, i woke up with rain on my face, it so happened that the window was left open. My instant reaction was to call up the one person who loves rain as much as i do...only to tell me the next morning that my voice sounded so fresh and crisp and that there was rain in the background [needless to say he still went back to sleep;)].
my love for you is unconditional...karachi rain

believe

2006-07-27T08:09:00.000-07:00

to know that you are believed and to unconditionally believe in something/someone has the power, capable of changing anything...then when you find out that your believes got things through for someone, that high is magic.
i will keep believing...

2006-07-23T17:03:00.000-07:00

our ultimate agenda..to want more to have more..NOT ONE person can deny that and i wont either, i want more of all those things
time with my best friend
pointless shopping
randomness
watching movie
stuffing my face
saturdays out with kat and jam
all of it..and more:)
on the surface this and beyond a whole lot more i cant write here:)

2006-07-15T22:28:00.000-07:00

...just when you think that you have control over things they slip right out of your hands.life at times doesnt seem enough...you cant hold back things and it becomes impossible to move on...even when you are dying to move on.making a choice just results is breaking a heart..could be your own.hahha i sound freaking depressing...no im just thinking outloud
"something i wrote last year feb and it came around to haunt"

wish

2006-07-15T08:14:00.001-07:00

i thought and thought and thought about "wish" such a simple thing, so many conotations yet i could not come up with anything to put it all togther. I wish for a lot things, yes, i dream of those wishes coming true...who doesnt? But i just gave in it all being part of a big plan...so i wont wish anymore..i will just pray.It's time to give to the will of the One above it all...i am giving in to the big plan.

Chiknaa mausam

2006-07-11T10:47:00.000-07:00

it's like constant music
it's rain with the gorgeous sky
KARACHIIIIIIIII it's time to let loose and go maddddddddddddddddd
pls Allah Mian let this weather remain!:)

Sequal-enough(greedy monster)

2006-07-07T13:37:00.001-07:00

its wonderful weather these days
the never ending chaos
THE RECENT RAIN!!!
Orange sky
staying home
watching movies
doing nothing
Karachi itself
I WANT MORE MORE MORE!!!!

Just two men switching shirts

2006-07-07T13:37:00.000-07:00

Luis Figo of Portugal swaps shirts with Zinedine Zidane of France, following France's 1-0 victory.
(Alexander Hassenstein/Bongarts/Getty Images) i wish i could find a picture of Zidane wearing Figo's shirt! His hottness went 98760549 notch higher for me!Heres him retiring with Style and amazing spirit. It was commented towrads the end of the match that any die hard France fan would not want to see Zidane in a different colour shirt, but well the die hard France fans will just have to learn!

what do you say?

2006-07-07T13:02:00.000-07:00

the good, the bad and the ugly of ENOUGH

abbastanza-Italian
suffisant, passable, assez-French
bastante-Portugese
in order of FIFA FAV's

The rest:
genoeg, nogal-African
satis-Latin
достаточно-Russain
basta-Spanish
Kafi, Bohat ho gya-Urdu
Enough is just plain old enough in English!!or NOT!
thats the irony of enough...the unpredictable word

Choices

2006-06-30T12:16:00.000-07:00

i feel cheated by the choices i made,
at the lows of my life.
Yet the same choices give me the unexplainable zeal
it's complicated you see...
choices i made and keep making
surrender me to the future that changes everyday
there' s always the thing of
coulda wouldaa shouldaaa...
but the reality is always the choice of the moment.
so go ahead and make it...
and then watch the magic.

turning point

2006-06-25T18:21:00.000-07:00

It’s funny how people love to throw their weight around in other people’s life (with or without realizing it). It’s not always good to shove your opinion on something and expect the other person to take it. I might or might not agree with you and that’s perfectly alright. I can't live my life through your values and yes i certainly can't fall at your feet every time you say, "go", it has to work both ways..remember everyone’s patience can run out.
These questions have started to bother me now more then ever, why is it always one persons turn to give in...and that too from the other persons point of view..because they have been always there and whatever not. If you start trusting the instinct in you then yes indeed you will loose a lot an it will be difficult but try doing that and see for yourself..it might turn out to be something wonderful and you will not remain delusional.
"watch the movie then decide for yourself",whispered.

TWO to tango

2006-06-22T00:50:00.000-07:00

magic

2006-06-14T08:56:00.000-07:00

"see i told you something will happen...birthdays are magical"
you know you said this to me on my birthday back in college...i still hang on to it and it has never let me down..
love you:)

almost 28

2006-06-09T07:01:00.000-07:00

"Katie will not go off the rails because suddenly she wakes up one morning and she is sixteen. People do whatever the hell they want to do at any age they fancy. Last year you were twenty-seven. That means you are three years away from thirty. Do you think they day you reach thirty you will be any different than you were at twenty-nine or thirty one for that matter? People create little ideas about ages so they can write silly self-help books, stick stupid comments in birthday cards, create names from internet chat room and LOOK FOR EXCUSES FOR CRISES IN THAT ARE HAPPENING IN THEIR LIFE"

Excerpt from Where Rainbows End by: Cecelia Ahern

together

2006-06-07T07:14:00.000-07:00

when nothing else comes up
the energy around is fueled with laughter
the chemistry intoxicating
time holds no limit
the knowing, the not knowing..
exchanges.
thats when it's all together

promises

2006-05-25T23:20:00.000-07:00

jam said this was the word!!!so here i am blogging..not been for words lately.sorry this is delayed..it was the blogword for day before

these days in karachi

2006-05-20T04:43:00.000-07:00

2006-04-18T23:40:00.000-07:00

sometimes your world becomes so small that anyone standing on the edge ...walking on a thin line in your life just falls off it. yet sometimes someone who shouldnt have fallen, falls and you realize much later that you were saving someone else and making sure they remained inside.

go for it

2006-04-13T20:55:00.000-07:00

hip hop dancer
dancing to the tune in my head
the sound so sound, it’s clear, it makes me want to
go for it, i say, go for it!
honey i say i believe..
it's all in me
i just want to move to it all
give in
passion ecstasy drama
it's the slick no hold barred
go for it, i say, go for it
i got it, cause i took it all
the good the bad the ugly
my dance of life is made up of that
so i say sway to it
go for it, go for it

2006-03-11T06:38:00.000-08:00

kiss me goodmorning, goodnight, everyday...life!

2006-02-26T19:08:00.000-08:00

there are always those tiny little telle tale signs that tell you if you are really happy or if you are really being yourself. However we grandly ignore them. why???hmm good question..perhaps because they conceal within them a lot of truth that we might not want to face. there are questions upon questions...the never ending ones but eventually if you shed the sad layers and focus on what makes you YOU!!!it happens..yeah it does...i am no optimist generally but hell yeh when i want to make me happy i have the power to and no blasted thing can change it.
and nobody who doesnt make you feel that way about yourself doesnt really deserve a LIFETIME chance with you.yes they will be around in your life...and yes there will be times you will be happy with them..but lifetime with them perhaps not!!
dont rule out possibilities..they come everyday..and you can choose to start afresh everyday..
anything that makes your frown..no no no!!not worth it!
i am saying this..i feel good happy and positive..and this is under no pretence.and i say this to myself and not to prove something to the world.
things will come and go and life will happen and i know that i will find my life going the way i envisioned it to be. to al those poeple who are in my life..and make it what it is good or bad or just plain silly..i owe you one!!and i will make that happen by being the silly me in your life..i just hope it comes in a good way to you.

2006-02-17T19:22:00.000-08:00

i painted it white,
black gushed onto the palette
uninvited [but tugs somewhere]
why did the colour change
look it says red
so why is my canvas mixing
its own
making the reds into oranges
the hues unknown, some of them
it's a sinful image
uninvited [makes me breathless]
i see a self image evolve
i see it shatter
i see it because it's there
uninvited

2006-02-15T23:31:00.000-08:00

faith,they say
it took her places
let her see everything
let her be everything,
they say it was love,
she was just herself
finally she had found her star
finally she found meaning,
to the words.
the red dress and silver shoes
dressed up the day...
so why is somebody
violently shaking her up...
waking her up.

breakfast laaadis

2006-02-11T19:52:00.000-08:00

no matter what..no matter how..we[me jam and kat] manage it and its the smile of my day...the moment mars referred in her mail today..."its my art" p.s: i love you

2006-02-07T18:05:00.000-08:00

"there are always flowers for those who want to see them".Matisse

2006-02-07T05:39:00.000-08:00

another year...another set of bachas..its wonderful:)these are a bunch of first years sitting around ..its almost 430 time to go home..naheed was narrating "OFF TO SEA" a Romance..amazing time!these kids have such amazing energy.it's so refreshing and reviving to be with themand to teach them,teaching has changed me so much

2006-02-05T06:12:00.000-08:00

i had a date with these three wonderful books and the last one is still going on..i have remained single for a long time and these few dates seemed like the best :)..no one sitting across was judging,no one seemed bothered who i was..all i did was enter into these three different world and life their lives"life in every page,books have that magic of making someones else's life yours"

a moment

2006-02-05T06:01:00.000-08:00

Advacnced Friends

2006-01-28T15:27:00.000-08:00

jammie and i had a our usual friday class ...this first class has been a pretty interseting insight into the minds of these 19 yr old and i must add that this is something that keeps me hooked to my work...
anyway today one kid got up and got around to talking about the "going out" culture prevailing in karachi and more so our generation... the question raised was "should you be in love woth the person you are "going out" with ..and he promtly answered that when going out is something known as "advanced friends" you are not just friends but a little something more. What amazed me was this 19 yr old having such a clear idea of what relationships meant..atleast to his own understanding. although he did turn around and said that he doesnt ever want to get married because "i dont think i am committed enough to take care of someone for the rest of her life" hmmm maybe he has yet to meet her..who knows.

2006-01-22T20:41:00.000-08:00

simple things..this is what dreams are made of.the key is to believe in them and have some faith in yourself. there will always be times when people will tell you that the right thing to do is this or that and you are foolish for doing what you are doing.
everything that a person goes through, it feels good to talk it out and best to talk it out to people they dont know because no one is judging...they will give you a fresh new perspective and thats great.but when you think about it..anything that they will say will be the "right answer" the way to do it given your situation..they dont know who you are, what is your every morning like..all the little things that make the larger picture, big decisions and all that.
so again.. maybe at times we complicate life by adding too much to it..or saying a lot to everyone..who knows

KARACHI

2006-01-22T11:32:00.000-08:00

with everything related to my city...
did i ever mention i love the way it sounds in my mouth when i say it
KARACHIIIII! KARACHI
woooohooooooooooooo!
its so full and satisfying to say KARACHI

love of life or love in life

2006-01-20T22:07:00.000-08:00

in all my life..i can safely say that no real relationship has surfaced in my life for more than a month. ha!!thats the truth whole truth. no real, this is it..i know what i am doing even if i dont type relationship..nothing.so in retrospect maybe thats what keeps me in the nutshell. i either give too much or expect too much or maybe just dont do it right..or do everything right at the wrong time for the right or wrong person.so i havent really had a real relatioship..wow!i think i just said that outloud..and something that i considered to be one was never it...
something somewhere got screwed. and i didnt get the love of my life..there was love IN my life,,but no love of my life..ah!is there a diff?maybe maybe not..i guess i just dont know. but i am proud of the fact that i have had love in life..so what if. its has been mine and mine alone
i almost sound petty.
but yeh truth time tha:)

logic..hmmm

2006-01-15T13:41:00.000-08:00

we all do things in the hope of fixing things, wanting to make it better. In our own capacity we want to please ourselves and also not hurt anyone else. Some of us work with our heart and some of us just play on the back of "but this is the practical way" or just good old logic. i am not defying logic or being practical, its just that what we might think as the practical solution maybe hasnt gotten our best heartfelt effort and we just give up because the larger picture shows that it aint gonna work. I read somewhere, "you can have anything you want if you want it desperately enough. You must want it with an exhuberance that erupts through the skin and joins the energy that created the world". Now if this is what it takes then, its not logic but guts that drive you to the ultimate. But you NEED to WANT it enough, to look beyond practicality and go for it, take the risk, fight the norms even when you know its not going to happen..but hey atleast at some point in life you will think to yourself "i took the risk, i didnt let it be". Yeh it is a done deal that risk taking will always involve risk in everything...sanity, relationships etc etc and we today int his world dont have the capacity to fight all of tht..but when you look for that ceratin CHANGE in life then..and you say..i must get up and go to the room marked DO NOT ENTER..you do so with the knowledge of knowing that everything changes and thats what change is about..I wish the case were diff where you could change yet the comfortable things in life that we are so used to, the people around us our relatiosnhips stay as they are...
gear up for some change world...i am coming your way!

a realisation

2006-01-12T22:35:00.000-08:00

its a realization to move on which hits you suddenly..its mixed with a sinking feeling but its hits you nonetheless

tobasco olives and hot vanilla sauce

2006-01-08T11:14:00.000-08:00

little spontaneous things always always put your life a notch higher on the "feeling good" scale. so what if it was not supposed to be this way..we let it happen and it was most comfortable. thats the diff being a friend can make..change perspectives and moods:)
thanks "two", love ...half!

2006-01-01T12:20:00.000-08:00

"falling ill gives your friends and people who care a chance to show you how much they love you...sort of like a chance to prove themselves haina?" hussys words to jammie.
made so much sense

06

2006-01-01T12:00:00.000-08:00

it changed to 00:00 01-Jan 06 and i watched it change and for no apprent or obvious reason i smiled and reverted to watching "the shop girl". how will this year be like?hmmm i dont know and im dying to know but its kind of nice that there will be plenty of surprises like every year. for me there are no resolutions..umm i never make them, there is always a thought in my head of some change that i want...
the past year has been a roller coater ride and the last month felt like being in a bottle with ice and liquid and being shaken up...cocktail month...bitter sweet.

2005-12-20T13:39:00.000-08:00

i want to be a super hero and not have to tell anyone who i am and how i feel

2005-12-19T23:13:00.000-08:00

sometimes it just takes a fimiliar touch of someone who is very close to you and you crumble..every single pent up emotion in you emerges and then you talk freely and cry freely.
i was just watching "Silsila" on tv(old amitabh movie) and my faith took a new turn all over again. i know this is melodramatic but thats me!

comfy

2005-12-19T19:40:00.000-08:00

it feels right
i am not afraid
no jitters
clouds drift apart
flicker of smile
butterflies come
this all falls together
makes everything
every nerve
comfy.

2005-12-19T19:34:00.000-08:00

everything falls into place when you spend a nice happy long day with your bst friend. There are a million laughs, naughtiness, good food...random talking. Thank God allah mian for giving me such amazing friends. Although this one friend had come for the first time(aram say) and it was fun exploring my room with him and looking at things and just being me. another session due mate!

2005-12-17T10:00:00.000-08:00

life is going in one direction and on the surface things are smooth choclaty and fun...and then one morning you are sitting feeling good and suddenly some strange sinking feeling takes you down. takes you very down and you cant figure out what it is that went thru your good feeling days and this happened.

lovers on the road

2005-12-09T15:35:00.000-08:00

The Space Between-Dave Mathews Band

2005-12-07T12:46:00.000-08:00

The Space Between-Dave Mathews Band

You cannot quit me so quickly
Is no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, loveThe Space Between
The tears we cryIs the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between

The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain
But will I hold you again?
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted games we play
We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
The Space Between

The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain
Will I hold you again?
Will I hold...

Look at us spinning out in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love Is hope we don't take this ship down
The Space Between
Where you're smiling high
Is where you'll find me if I get tickled
The Space Between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into...
The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain
Take my hand
'Cause we're walking out of here
Oh, right out of here
Love is all we need here
The Space Between

What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
The Space Between...

The Space Between-Dave Mathews Band
courtesy expressome blog

2005-12-07T12:24:00.000-08:00

lately so much is happening with school semester ending, friends getting married, meeting up with old college mates. Life is a whirl. good and bad. but thank GOD every night 8 out of 10 times when i go to sleep its usually with a content smile and a prayer for someone or the other who i feel for tremndously.

2005-11-26T15:10:00.000-08:00

i am a proud person who designs her life everyday.my job is my life and i see the faces of my students light up evertime they see something new and my face lits up when i see them excited and do everything.

2005-11-19T21:53:00.000-08:00

untitled

2005-11-19T09:34:00.000-08:00

absolut botals

2005-11-19T09:29:00.000-08:00

a little spontaneous trip to botal gali and found treasure of bottles that i have been wanting since forever. so went all out and got 8 of them now displayed in my room(much to my ammas displeasure)but it was such a high to find something which is designed itnay mazay say..i felt energized..the yellow the blue red and the absolut kurant!eventually i will make something from them.I THINK!!

much ado about nothing

2005-11-18T14:04:00.000-08:00

Today I was asked to write down all my ACTIVITIES for the past one year. (So them at IVSAA could be proud of people they have to teach the hoards of students taken in every year). This task almost just came upon me and I had to quickly write down, of course I drew a complete blank right away…umm does dancing for the first time at Saras shadi count?
Personally speaking so many things happened that have changed me and made my experiences a lot more colorful but i am not sure if the world is ready to listen to all of that, certainly not all the heads sitting out there in the board room.
Finally in broader terms there was the most amazing India trip, the not so great storybored and creativity party (but needed to be mentioned) umm and a couple more odd things.
Another year is about to end and lots has happened. Who knows what I will be saying this time next year. Hopefully with the new agendas in my life, the people I have and the people I meet and what new serendipities are in store for me..i love this unknowingness and the newness of everyday.

2005-11-11T19:18:00.000-08:00

the wholee thing is thattt kay "bhaiyaa sab say bara rupaiyaaaaa"
Abhisheikh a.k.a BLUFFMASTER

tight jar

2005-11-05T21:42:00.000-08:00

to get my system back into action the state of mind had to be put
across. It really was meant to get the gibbrish out of the way in the
hope that some real inside scoop would come out.But alas!
its going somewhere and it just might surface. the last few days have
been a roller coaster of changing emotions towards people we love
uncondionatlly, towards people who love us unconditionally. It is
almost like being in a space, a jar maybe and tight lid, breathing
the same air. but the air is getting stale and the more you take
it in the more convulated your system ends up being. In our
small lives we are so much in a state of doing things that sometimes
we forget to peek over the other side of the fence. is everything
ok there? do people need us there? what we are doing, is it
effecting them directly? ops did i hurt you?i am sorry.
how ofetn are we looking at ourselves in teh mirror and asking
these questions. mirror because in teh mirror we look at ourselves
and its very simple to look at a face looking back at you, you
are fimiliar with that face and you chk to see if everything
is in place. Have you looked long enough so that the shapes
actually start nerging into each other and you dont see an
actual face but a mesh of muscles that is making a whole,
each and every muscle in there is important and maybe the
final face we see is not that important its actually the over
all feeling it gives off.
Like wise our nature, the way we behave is something which
is reflective of the over all persona we carry with us.
in the recnt past i found myself wanting to break free, keeping
a balance, charging and ignoring all at the same time. What i
cant figure out is why was i doing this. Was it to make myself
content and making my surrounding ok or was the other
persons behaviour bothering me?What was i doing?I think i
was trying to keep a balance between things and trying to keep
everyone relaxed , it did and didnot work in some instances.
Someone termed me as a person who takes up too much tension
and inevitably ends up giving tension. maybe. i do stressout and
i do take things upon my head. But when you are alone in the
house its just a part and parcel of keeping things in oprder. I am
true to my zodiac, balancing scale but the issue is how much of
that do i mange to do?if at all! diplomatic?am i?perhaps
i hide myself from people when there is something to say, i always
have been thrown into situations (deep end) when i have been
able to say things . But being thrown into the deep end always is
not exactly good .right? by nature i keeping tipping from
left to right, the balance is achievedfor a split second and then
a little movement and i go tipping again.
its very easy to say "i am not understood" or "people treat me
like this" "let me be" all of it is reletive, but right now at 27
when i am feeling like this
i need a self chk.
Marium has simultaneous emotins going on in her head and she
is tippingmixing issues. mixing happiness with staleness. the tight
jar needs to open. a total change need to come from within whatever
strength there is in me.
solutions are opbviously not that simple.
but if i feel like this how can i make anyone else feel safe with me.
can i? is it possible to be confused and happy at the same time and
is it possible to make someone sane and feel safe with you.
Sometimes you need to know that you make some people feel
that way for yourself to be ok and safe.

state of mind

2005-11-05T21:17:00.000-08:00

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questions

2005-10-20T23:45:00.000-07:00

so why dont i do the things that are the back of my head.
the ways i want to maybe teach, or live why am not applying it.
is there a fear or just lack of it.
and why is it that every other day i am waking up
with a sinking feeling and not being able to explain it.
captain o captain. do i need a captain.?

2005-10-20T19:17:00.000-07:00

if there is something that you want to do but cannot let
anyone know of it for whatever reason. Go ahead and let
them know of your passion and go ahead and do it.
Go and conquer the world today. let people know what you are made of.
fight the battles, pick them up and fight them and win them!!!
and then the credits rolled on.

stranger

2005-10-20T07:12:00.000-07:00

and then a stanger, someone you barely know comes and makes it ok.and somehow you find yourself pouring your heart out that one person. Everything else and everyone else seems too daunting too *we know you so well*
so whats wrong with knowing someone so well and wanting to make things ok.

Good Will Hunting

2005-10-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

The kind of life we all lead these days, where everything is urgent(should have been done yesterday types) and we keep thinking of ourselves, where are we going? whats the next best way to tackle life?etc etc. While all this happens , a parallel existance is happening where we meet people, make friends, hang around, bother about things and people, fall in love with every beautiful thing,gesture. But then one day with one person you feel helpless, like you cant get through to them, you give them a hug they feel better and then its closure again.
The way i see it, all of us go through this, and choose to be open about it or not, and sometimes its ironic when you are down and someone is trying to cheer to up but we sap all energy from them and when we are ok that instant they are down. i dont know how much of this makes sense, but as of right now its breaking my heart that my madness,bubbliness, smileness nothing is working. Everything starts revolving around this feeling of not being able to do something, i know the counter argument would be "dont tread too much into that territory if the other person is sensitive, or atlesat you are there just be there or you must be making a diff on some level" but it all falls short to that deep rooted feeling inside you that says"i want every single thing to be ok for this person". My mind is going in a billion diff directions. Chances are (especially with our own friends or same age group people) we all go thru the same thing and know what its like to have someone just wanting to hug you make it ok for you, or just say something silly and cheer you up. I can just thank God that i have people like that and pray that i am that to someone or most people i know.
Watched a very beautiful movie last night, where a small girl teaches a man how to love, how to live his life again just by being there for her. She is small and honest, no pretty packaged words no drama, just very very genuine. It can all change and it can all be ok, even if its for alittle bit, the imapct is lasting.:)

ok so people go mad when they have a cold!!!!when its this hot!

2005-10-14T23:38:00.000-07:00

very very excited i called up jammie, the only person i know who would share my news with absolute passion and madness.
hey jammie..blah bla blah blah, iftar, chai , tired, etc etc
aray pata hai kyaaaaa..abhisekh aur amitabh ki mangni ho gai hai.
huh!
jammie huh!
snicker on both sides
and THENNNN!!!
hahahhahahhahahahha
hahhahahahhahahhahah
on the floor tears falling
hahahhahahhahahahah
GODDDD!!!!mariummm
hhahhahahhaha
laughed and laughed an laughed
slipped off the bed laughing...HHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAH
no no i mean..hahhahaha
abhie..hahah.sheikh hahahha aur ranii mukerjee hahahhahah
oh noo....phew...sniff
this was the only thing which made the news even more amazing..
but bhai bohat ala
abhisheikh aur amitabh
hahhahahhahaha
for 3 continous minutes we laughed like crazy mad psychotic people!
i havent laughed this openly and madly in daysssssssssss

Dear God,

2005-10-10T21:30:00.000-07:00

Today i marvelled at the strength we have in us as people of a Nation. Today with everything in shammbles, how everyone is coming together can make anyone proud.I just hope God that all of this serves a purpose and we can change things, change fates and stand on our two feet again.
It's sad that it took a calamity like this to bring us together but it did and we are all in it hook line sinker!
Maybe it's time we prayed to you God that we are capable, capable of being good people and proving ourselves as the people you had envisioned.All this makes your existance even more real.
Real people facing Reality, but coming together to make it better.
Who ever reads this please say a small prayer for the people who have lost their lives.

2005-10-10T21:28:00.000-07:00

People The Alumni Association Of Indus Valley School of Art and Architecture has set up a Relief Fund booth at Indus Valley. Please come forward and help out in whatever way you can. It's open from 9 am to 5pm.
Yes i know people have been donating everywhere, but this is on going so please come forward once again.
Thankyou
you can contact me at
03002001086
Marium Ali

such is life

2005-10-07T19:26:00.000-07:00

Ramzan is here, underpass has been made..nights are slighlty chilly now. Everything is leading up to some change that might be in a transition of hopefuly something better. Asad is going to be here in 3 weeks and i am just praying to God that once he is here things are good. At times it becomes really difficult to be the only daugheter/son in the house and your siblings are not around. When parents don't exactly love the idea of hanging out together, when you are the person who brings peace, when mum is more then worried about who will marry you. When all this is happening around you, there comes a point when you scream, bang the chai ka mug on the table(oh god not on the first of ramazan)you leave the table crying..noone is listening to you because there is noone who is like you in the house. And guess who is hurt after this, no not you but abba who goes in his room to sleep and amma who goes off and shuts the door. I didnt even eat, but i screamed and i cried so obviously i am guilty.
then about 2 hrs later i am aske to change clothes because these two aunties are coming to see me. Strangely at this point i felt really bad for my mother.I mean i will say no to these random rishtas that come but she has to sit with the people for me and i dont know why she does it but she does. I met the ladies, they were ok but they are not me and i am assuming nor is their brother who they had come for.
If only ammi would not feel the need to be a ceratin way because supposedly it is required of her.
i want asad to come back.but i know he wont be able to adjust back into home mode being away for so long. He should just enjoy the novelty treatment while he is here.
sometimes i think to myself that i should not bother with people and i am that close to saying it to them only to shut up and be normal. I am just too there for certain people.and i guess if then i amtaken for granted its partly my doing. dont know?

2005-10-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

i cant believe i am writing this first day of Ramzan but i am!
I AM JUST A FUCKING NAME IN YOUR LIFE
I AM A FUCKING LOSER WHO YOU HAVE ALL THE TIME
I AM A FUCKING IDIOT WHO CARES
I AM THE FUCKING CHILD YOU DEAL WITH BECAUSE OTHERS ARE NOT HERE
I AM FUCKING MISUNDERSTOOD FOR BEING MYSELF
EVERYONE ELSE IS FUCKING AMAZING BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT HERE
AND WHEN THEY ARE YOU FUCKING LOVE THEM
FO GOD'S SAKE I AM FUCKING HUMAN!!!!

2005-10-05T21:25:00.000-07:00

KARACHI-the yellow light city

geared up, on the go, some have the guts to break free and move

*love you yellow light city*

and the numbers will not make sense..they never do!

2005-10-01T21:57:00.000-07:00

1 dose of madness i need everyday
2 times i generally trip*over anything anyone*in a month
3 siblingsssss
4 friends i would want to always be with
5 reasons to make you smile through my madness
6 movies i have lying around and havent seen
7 i dont remember as a age
8 songs i can sing out loud anytime
9 different chocolates i love
10 times 2 is 20
11 no of mintues i have been writing this
12
13 the drama begins
14 cousins
15 ?
16 giggling fits with random people friends in a day
17?
18?
19 passions i am trying to list down and accomplish
20?
21 i should have been married with kids
22
23 life happened for me
24
25
26 fell in love *i think*
27 feeling fantastically freakishly funny!

(there will be more numbers for everyone and

only you can make them into a life

that you see yourself in..might not make sense otherwise.)

2005-10-01T21:40:00.000-07:00

When you are 27 and you know it…
Clap your hands:
The mad crazy girl in you is asking for it
Tap your feet:
When your friends make you want to dance always
Snap your fingers:
Because things are within reach
Say hoorayyyyy:
For there is a lot of friends, a lot of love, a lot of magic
a lot of spontaneity , a lot of madness and lot of “looking forward”.

When you are 27 and you know it and you really want to feel it
Clap your hands, tap your feet, snap your fingers, say hoorayyyy!

2005-09-23T21:03:00.000-07:00

life is what happens when you are busy making other plans
or something like that.

one meeting another

2005-09-16T14:20:00.000-07:00

it is so very important in life to have people around you(who are important)to like the other people around you(who are important). i have generally hung around with similar sort of people who have mostly gotten along fine with each other and the others(they just havent mingled together) so one i finally got one friend to meet the rest of my freinds and i saw them completely at ease i felt great!!a part of me was a little jealous even , you know the usual(but they are my friendsssss or he/she is my frienddddd) but thats just a moments things. i love the fact that my friends are such a major part of me and i dont have to choose between them.i love them each and everyone of them.

comfortable vs comfortable

2005-09-16T14:18:00.000-07:00

how comfortable are you being absolutely comfortable with the next person????what is it in the person sitting in front of you which makes you lose inhibitions and be completely at ease and be yourself?how many people do you meet everyday or know in life that actually make you be that way?

you got tagged!meyum

2005-09-15T20:56:00.000-07:00

jammie made me do this...:)

5 years ago: ahhhh!this time 5 years ago i was giving my thesis and nash was about to get married...family life was terrible and everyone had taken a back seat in life.
1 year ago: i fell for "disillusional" pleasure unknowingly.
5 songs i know all the words to:musumusu hasi,everything i do,pyar dewaana hota hai, i will runaway,aitebar.
5 snacks i enjoy:chips with onion dip, yellow daal(nimko),makai, toasted bread and chutney,cheetos.
5 things I'd do with a million dollars: get a very amazing studio apartment for myself somewhere in an area full of greenry, buy assi nash and shanju everything, pay abhisheikh bachan to marry me(umm fantasies included i guess), buy dada ami her own house. ok i think i have used up my million dollars, prolly in debt now!
5 places i would run away to:kat's basement(only kat knows this),my room,planet EVERYTHING WILL BE THE WAY I WANT IT TO BE, sunflower feild, maybe to the beach.
5 favourite TV shows:Dark angel, sex and the city, friends,scrubs,ER.
5 greatest joys:having shanju call me meyum,coming back to my room and sleeping, doing absolutely nothing, knowing that i have a twin.
5 things i would never wear: frilly clothes, stretch straight legged jeans, burqa, halter neck shirt ummm plenty more but can't think of it right now!
5 favourite toys:my room(can play around with it any which way), two dinkies sitting on my keyboard, a box full of my little cartoon characters, was never much of a doll crazy person..even if i was dont remember having many.!oh there was a set of 8 tiny dolls dressed in cute pink knitted frocks.
tagged by me are
machus http://www.maachus.blogspot.com/
sumblihttp://www.visuallymine.blogspot.com/
khizhttp://www.cloudkhizzy.blogspot.com/
yaweritehttp://www.yawerite.blogspot.com/

Twenty'sEven more risky than being caught cheating on your past

2005-09-15T20:33:00.000-07:00

in exactly 11 days and 12 nights i will be 27.didnt anticipate it would happen this fast, roller coaster ride, facing so many things going thru just about everything life could offer. My past, present and future all walking together, one stumbling into the next and the next and coming back for a quick check on the last phase aswell. Where i was a kid thinking at 21 i will be married with one kid, and then it was certainly happening to me by 24(this is me thinking back in alevel days) and suddenly now its the furthest from my mind.Not that the idea of getting married doesnt appeal to me..whoaaa its good and inshallah it will happen and neither have i turne into one carrer oriented person whose aim in life is to become a bigger better bitch(no judgements being made here, just coincidental). I want to be me and remain me and enjoy being me, not give in till i find someone who will let me be me. And as one newly married friend very aptly put,"why is anyone else's being and doing something lead you into making any decision?" Yes, it shouldnt and it doesn't, well not entirely atleast.
There are my parents who think that i am at the age where i should be settled(obviosuly me being in their house having a carrer, being myself, earning is hardly qulaified as being setelled)and then there is me who is as the time is passing getting more confused then ever before asto what is it that is going to make me tick. How happy am i with myself?it is very very important for me that i am 234% content in being myself and in believing what i believe. The mind is there telling me that, varifying all thats positive and the soul is making me think the opposite. Am i doing things because i want to do them this way or is this some major disillusion that i am falling for?.My past was glorified because there was a set pattern that i wanted to follow, shit happened and i grew up and learnt a lot, realized that my set pattern was not what would make me tick and 11 days away from being 27 i am still wondering if i even need a pattern or should i just relish in the everyday as it happens lifestyle???

2005-08-30T23:01:00.000-07:00

when you decide that you can be a ceratin way and not let things bother you.they really don't.

and she danced beautifully and cooked

2005-08-28T10:29:00.000-07:00

and she danced beautifully, AAmir zaki played this music and i swayed to it. i have been wanting to blog for so many days but i either end up too busy too too lazy. it was the general whats life to blog then being inspired by people around me. Saturday class and how everytime class happens i know why i want to keep doing this and leaving school in Jan seems like an uncertain decision...the whole of saturday, awesome mausam, people the night...
THE NIGHTTTTTTTTT, being a shia we have very specific traditions rituals etc(although i wish one of the traditions included making Rangoli outside my house) but nah that is not happening. I cooked last night after coming back from the play..from 1230 am to 230 am..making puris firni and other stuff for something that was going to happen at fajr time later. Its called "Kundas" and there is a niaz. Anyway, so waking up again for fajr i was almost swaying left to right, prayed for myself and everyone, couldnt eat..went to sleep got up..
amma said the first thing i should have is the Niaz stuff so had self cooked sweetoverdosed food.
and now blogging, yapping, swaying, dozy..have a long day up ahead..lots to eat everywhere.hopefully there will be not so sweet things in other places.

request

2005-08-21T14:30:00.001-07:00

i want it to rain, be cloudy and spend a free day with my book and pen on the beach. too much to ask for???

2005-08-14T12:02:00.000-07:00

Jeevay Jeevay Pakistan!
be very proud of what you have everyone!

2005-08-13T00:41:00.000-07:00

my lost relation is back..it's back in my life.allah ka shukar. i can't show that i care mostly because too much has happened in the past and i dont want people saying anything as long the person concerned is aware.

wake up and blog

2005-08-12T01:33:00.000-07:00

it's 1:39 am and i got up to write all of this because it just entered my head, for the past couple of hours i felt lost, there was something churning in my head but nothing came out and it was pointed out that i was keeping something inside my head, perhaps i was who knows but it refuses to surface.scratch scratch nothing there.
it's so easy to break something just by saying what you really think about it, so if you hold back because you don't want to break it does it mean that you are being not so faithful or you are a loser because you can't face up to it or is it one of those things for which we say, "at times its better to stay quiet and save lives then talk"
So many times so many things mean so much to you that even the thought of them being removed from you is unbearable and you hold on..hold on tight.put your seat up straight and tighten that belt around you.

2005-08-11T23:31:00.000-07:00

I discovered fight club today and i discovered that i did not understand what i was looking for. Did it all make sense to me or was asad right in saying that,"your mind wont change, you will remain the same. loud!".

Jagmagaatay Pakistan main Chamakta Karachi

2005-08-11T07:15:00.000-07:00

august in karachi is beautiful, there is wind, hopes for some rain and more then anything else there is 14th aug coming up...there is Green all over. Huge flags and ting badges, you can do up your Pakistan anywhich way, enjoy the world around you go green and festive.I have been listening to all the national songs i could get my hands on and the feeling is more than wonderful. i was driving down the saddar electronic market yesterday and the entire place has been done uo with flags and tiny bulbs[ which looks really starnge in my illustration but its the idea that counts right;)]

all you people, if there is anything making you feel low then just take a look around you and you will feel wonderful, im so glad there are no small jhandis this time around, they use to just get abused after the 14th of August.

i went to get a badge for myself the other day and was appalled to see a "altaf hussain" bagde and there was the Flag of Pakistan right under his face....please please noooooooooo.

also the slogans that keep coming on the flag. i mean why can't we keep our Flag the way it is.

It's Greeen and White with a cresent and star. Thats it!!!!

anyway 3 more days to go, enjoy 14th August, have a good time enjoy the freedom and don't abuse it.cheers

2005-08-10T20:28:00.000-07:00

since last night i have felt a void in me...something unreachable.When you want make things ok give a hug, make everything ok for someone they become the most unreachable, not because they want to but something in them pulls back wnating to be stubborn with feelings not letting anyone know how they feel, especially you. You, because you always manage to get under the skin